im being tortured ryt now by the person i love.. we been fyting for 4 days.. and i cant take it.. he'd been ignoring me and sometimes would hug me den wud get mad at me again.. i dont know wat to think anymore.. we fought because i asked him abt something dat indirectly tells him dat im suspecting him again.. he said "my saltik na ko sa utak" i need to be treated, to see a psychiatrist.. but all i need is assurance..

i love you..

the reason why i hold on..

wel.. im just thinking of things.. different things.. wen i remember that one of our churchmates approach me asking about joining the mass wedding in our church.. no need for receptions, expensive clothes, entourage.. and all things needed for a dream wedding.. they just need me and my guy saying the vows.. ang sabi ko nman..ei.. we have plans to get married next yr.. although no date yet.. but really.. ithink our plans are just plain plans.. wala naman kc kaming ginagawa parang magkatotoo to.. honestly, wid wats happening wid us.. i dont think im ready to be tied yet to a man that im not even sure if he really loves me.. ang hirap yata ng ganun parang kasal - kasalan lang..

naalala ko na halos 4 na beses na ata nabanggit yan.. first wen i got pregnant.. naisip nya na magsecret wedding kami.. nasa hustong gulang na nmin daw kami.. sabi ko wag naman tau padalos dalos.. tpos it was mentioned again after we fought wen i caught him wid his ex.. sinabi nya we should get married after 6 months after i gave birth.. pro wala naman nangyayari.. den it was mentioned before my baby's christening.. he said we should start planing for our wedding after our baby's baptism..and it was again mentioned after our baby's christening that we should do it by end of this yr or early next yr..

but now.. the thought of getting married seems far away.. it is just a dream now.. dat im wishing to happen.. or do i?

pagod na pagod na ko.. pagod na pagod na ko.. pagod na pagod na ko..pagod na pagod na ko..pagod na pagod na ko..pagod na pagod na ko..pagod na pagod na ko..pagod na pagod na ko..pagod na pagod na ko..pagod na pagod na ko..pagod na pagod na ko.. pagod na pagod na ko..pagod na pagod na ko..pagod na pagod na ko..pagod na pagod na ko..

im fcking stuck!

not by flood, typhoon..

just stuck in damn place.

i dont know what to follow:

what's ryt or what i want..

if i were u, wat wud u do?

i have this plan of giving up on this relationship.. since i know he met up with his ex again.. im just tired.. my plan is to wait for him.. let him eat and rest for a while and then il tell him how i feel.. but when he arrived with lots of pasalubong and looking so happy.. i dont know wat to do.. i just cried while watching the proposal..he kept asking why i was crying so hard.. i just repeatedly told him.. the movie made me cry.. and he accepted it but i know he doesnt believe it.. bec i know he knows why im crying and bec its a romantic comedy movie.. so der..

im stupid.

ang theme song ko ata sa bday ko.. eh.. its my bday and i cry if i want to.. cry if i want to..

because i didnt stop crying for a long time.. umiiyak na bago pa pumatak ang alas dose.. hanggang mag alas dos.. tpos pagdating ng alas siyete ng umaga.. iyak na naman.. sa bday ko pa.. hanggang 12 ng tanghali iyak ako ng iyak.. huminto tpos kinabukasan ulet..

parang si ondoy ang mata ko.. binagyo nya ng todo ang puso ko..

sorry if some would think im selfish.. since im thinking abt my heartache while a lot are suffering over ondoy disaster..